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The Gingerbread Man
The Gingerbread Man is the eleventh episode in Season 1 of The Neighbors. Synopsis It’s parent volunteering time at school. Debbie and Larry opt for PTA, while Jackie and Marty volunteer to coach soccer. Debbie soon finds a nemesis, Linda, but Larry vows to help Debbie crush her. Debbie doesn’t want Larry to do anything weird. So Larry creates a small gingerbread man equipped with a camera that Larry controls with his own body movements that he sends into Linda’s house to frighten her into backing down and giving Debbie her way. That’s not weird, right? Dick’s really bad at soccer. Marty’s trying to encourage him, but Jackie is confused by Marty’s positivity and feels like Marty’s just lying to Dick with every “good job.” Jackie can’t take this lying/positivity, so she kicks Dick off the team. All the PTA folks bail on helping out making cookies because they’re afraid of Larry. The bake sale’s a bust, but Larry does respect Debbie’s ideas, and likes to learn from her. Jackie’s sad because she kicked Dick off the team. But sports helped her gain a lot of self-esteem when she was young, and she just wanted Dick to feel good too. But he already does! So when Marty brings Dick back to the soccer field, Jackie puts him in. He’s terrible. But that’s OK. Guest Stars *Nora Dunn as Linda *Kerry Carney as Elizabeth *Samuel Caruana as Carl Music Trivia *The same week this episode aired, the stars appeared at The Television Critics Association Winter Press Tour. For promotion, ABC treated critics to a pie break “sponsored” by The Neighbors. *Reggie Jackson only appears in one scene in this episode and only has 2 lines. Quotes Larry: This is boring. Humans are boring. Debbie: You say this is similar to your Zabvronian Council? You should have no trouble keeping up. Larry: Where's your Butcher of Hope? Debbie: Hmmm? Larry: Tall chap, wears a dark hood to mask his eternal sorrow, puts an end to debates. How can you have a meeting without a Butcher of Hope? Linda: All in favor? Debbie: Oh, excuse me, I'm Debbie Weaver, Max and Abby's mom. Linda: Hello, Debbie. I don't know your children but I'm sure you've taught them how rude it is to interrupt someone. [Debbie and Larry plan to sway a PTA vote] Debbie: What do we do now? Larry: Divide and conquer. When Linda's not around, it'll be easier to convince them. We'll go after them separately. Debbie: Oh! Pick them off one by one? Larry: Yes, and together, we shall rule the galaxy. Debbie: What? Larry: What? Marty: Nice work, Dick! Way to get a piece of that one, that’s a great job! Jackie: I’m confused, I’m very confused. It would appear that Dick is not doing a great job, and in fact, I would say that he is the worst player on the team, and yet, you keep lying about his performance. Debbie: Do I have lipstick on my teeth? Larry: Yes, but I thought that was on purpose. Larry: Elizabeth, Debbie Weaver has spent all morning putting lipstick on her teeth to come talk to you. I insist you hear her out. Jackie: Team! Loyalty vote. Would you rather follow me to victory, or follow Coach Weaver to certain defeat? Choose now. (Everyone, including Max, joins Jackie.) Marty: Max? Max: Come on, Dad. Look at her in those shorts. I just got puberty. Larry: Where I'm from, we wage war through psychological destruction. Our goal is to mentally crush our enemies until they can no longer function in society. Debbie: I just wanted gingerbread cookies. Larry: And gingerbread cookies you shall have. Marty: Sometimes parents take sports a little too seriously. And the truth is, I think this might be more about your mom than you. Dick: But you must admit, by all metrics, I am a pretty bad athlete. Marty: Oh, the worst. Marty: Hey, can I buy a cookie? Debbie: I wouldn’t. Unless you like the taste of failure. Marty: I’ve been told that I’m a fantastic coach. Debbie: I’ve been told I’m a really good human woman. Zabvronian Revelations *Before naming him Dick Butkus Jackie considered naming him David Beckham. Promo Gallery Category:Episodes Category:Season 1 episodes